Q. What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
A. A Doyouthinkhesaurus.
Q. How do you get down off an elephant?
A. You don't. You get down off a duck.
Q. Why do elephants have wrinkly feet?
A. To give ants a 50:50 chance.
Q. Two ants in an airing cupboard. How can you tell which one is a soldier ant?
A. He's the one sat on the tank.
Last edited by Beki; 17-01-23 at 15:04.
Reason: Community Values
Don't shoot me, I'm only the piano player. I DON'T work for or on behalf of EON.Next, but am willing to try and help if I can. Not on mains gas, mobile network or mains drainage. House heated almost entirely by baby dragons.
@retrotecchie
🤣🤣🤣
Q: What's the difference between Electricity and Lightning?
A: You don't have to pay For Lightning.
Q: Why did the biker swap his jacket for the keys to the underworld with the devil?😈
A: He wanted to go Hell for Leather.
A drunk comes out of a pub, looks up at the sky and asks another passing drunk: "Is that the Sun or the Moon up there"?🌞🌚
The other drunk replies: "I've got no idea mate, I don't live around here".
@retrotecchie
A man thought delays in getting a doctors appointment might be improving when he rang his local surgery and the receptionist said "What about Tuesday 9.20 am"
"That's great" he said, "I'll see you on Tuesday".
"No Sir" said the receptionist, "It's for Tuesday 21st January 2025".
A barber said to his customer: "I'm going to 10 Downing Street later to do the Prime Minister's hair"
The customer asked: "Do you need a permit?"
"No" replies the barber, "Just trim a bit off the back and the sides".
@retrotecchie
A man asks his friend "Do you like my new shirt, look it has lots of pictures of cactuses on it?"👔🌵🌵
His friend replies: "Cacti!"
The man replies: "Never mind about the tie, I asked you what you think of the shirt!"
@retrotecchie
A man goes to the doctors about his rash.👨⚕️
The doctor says: "You've got Hives".
The man replies "I never said I keep bees, but if you give me something to cure the rash, I'll give you a couple of jars of honey!"🍯
A woman phones her local swimming baths to confirm the opening times and asks : "Is that the local swimming baths?"🏊♀️
The receptionist replies: "It depends where you're ringing from!"
@retrotecchie
🤣🤣🤣I couldn't agree more marra! We Northumbrians always say we live in God's own county, just like Wales!
A tour guide asks a group of American tourists: " Would you like to see where William Shakespeare lived?"🎭
One of the group says: "Sure Would".
The tour guide replies: No, that was Robin Hood".🌳🌲
@retrotecchie
In keeping spirits up:
A cement mixer collided with a prison van.
Police have asked motorists to be on the lookout for 8 hardened criminals!
Thieves broke into the local builders merchant and made off with their entire stock of toilets. The police are investigating but at the moment they say they have nothing to go on.
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